SEASON 1

Bad Hair Day

SEASON 2

The Kongo Bongo Festival of Lights

Speak no Evil, Dude

The Day the Island Stood Still

Four Weddings and a Coconut

Follow that Coconut

Vote of Kong-Fidence

The Big Switch-A-Roo

Hunka Hunka Burnin’ Bluster

It’s a Wonderful Life

Just Kidding

As a final note, I have marked some of my all-time favorite songs with a FIVE STAR RATING (*****), to attract attention to, in my opinion, the very coolest songs! I love the DKC show, but some songs stand out to me for some reason or another.

AND NOW, ON TO THE SONGS…

1. Bad Hair Day

Cranky’s Song

Cranky: Some people call me negative, they don’t like my frown.

They all try to cheer me up, but I’m down with being down!

I know what you’re thinking – He’s a genius, ‘cause I am!

‘Cause I’m Cranky – I’ve got my finger on the key,

Yeah, I’m Cranky, the oldest, wisest ape you’ll ever meet!

Candy Kong’s Clone

Candy Clone: I’m Candy Kong’s Clone, we look like we’re one and the same.

I know what you’re thinking, but honey, I’m not ordinary dame.

Sugar is sweet, ooh, just like Candy K.

My charm and good looks drive all the apes insane.

Every monkey’s dream, for your evil scheme –

It’s so cool to work for King K. Rool!

***

28. The Kongo Bongo Festival of Lights

I got no Family Tree - ***** FIVE STAR SONG!!

Klump: I’ve always been the only one.

No home of my own, just a wayward son.

And I bet they’re all together eating pizza mud pies,

As they cosy on the sofa watching swamp gas rise.

I got no family tree –

Just a bush, a twig, a branch, a sapling that’s me.

I never had no next of kin.

Just a few hundred teeth, and oily skin.

And I still remember mama startin’ turtle egg stew,

And our beetle sandwiches and picnics too.

I got no family tree –

Just a bush, a twig, a branch, a sapling that’s me.

I got no family tree –

No-one to celebrate the festival with me.

Skurvy’s Poem (not really a song, but sweet)

Whenever you’re sad, and lonely as can be,

Just remember me, your big brother, Skurvy.

***

29. Speak no Evil, Dude

Kongo Bongo Gone Wrongo Disease

Cranky: First, you get the chills from your head to your toes,

Then your nose starts to run ‘til it overflows,

Next you’re sneezing so hard you’ll throw out your back,

Then WHAM! Laryngitis stops you dead in your tracks!

Candy: When you’re shaking so bad and chilled to the bone,

You’re colder than a yeti or banana ice cone.

Dixie: You shiver and you quiver, you go weak and real old,

You’re freezing cold and wheezing, you look greener than mould.

Cranky: The only cure is the nectar of timbananatu!

Candy: It’s like having the flu, times a hundred-and-two.

Dixie: You’ll wind up in bed, but you’ll wish you were dead.

Cranky: A disease that goes right to your head!

Candy: Your voice gets all raspy until you can’t talk,

You can’t speak and it feels like you’ve swallowed a sock.

Dixie: Soon you’ll hear the sound of your brain cells go pop!

Until there’s nothing left –

Candy and Dixie: Oh no please, make it stop!

Cranky: The only cure is the nectar of timbananatu!

The Charades Song

DK: Two words – first word ‘sing’?

Sounds like sing?

A bing, ping, ring, ding-a-ling?

Second word sounds like ‘cool’?

Sounds like cool, pool, tool, drool, fool?

Ah, I got it, I got it!

You wanna sing a ding-a-ling like a cool dancing fool!

Funky: Donkey dude, you got it all wrong,

Like your head was on stun while you were singing this song.

It’s desperate!

It’s urgent!

This Kongo Bongo Island is headed for doom!

***

30. The Day the Island Stood Still

The Wake Up! Song (another ‘non-song’)

Candy: Wake up!

Diddy: Wake up, Donkey Kong!

Candy: Wake uu-uu-uu-uu-UP!

K. Rool: Wakey, wakey, wakey, rise and shine!

Up and at ‘em!

Candy: Wake up, wake UP! Wake up, wake up, wake up!

Diddy: Wake up, wake up, DK!

Candy: Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake UP!

K. Rool: Wake up!

You’re sleeping like a stone, wake up you useless bag of bones!

Candy: Wake up!

Diddy: Wake up!

K. Rool: Wake up you fools!

Candy: Waaake up!

Diddy: Wake up, wake up, wake up!

Candy: Wakey-wakey, rise and shine!

K. Rool: I’m about to lose my mind!

Candy: Wake up!

K. Rool: WAKE UP!!

***

32. Four Weddings and a Coconut

When she says ‘Yes, Yes, Yes’

Diddy: Oh, Candy’s got you wrapped around her little finger,

She just wants you to show her that you care.

DK: So if I ask her to be wed, it really means no instead?

Does it make much sense to you, if she really doesn’t want me to?

Diddy: When she says ‘yes, yes, yes’, it means ‘no, no, no’

When she says ‘yes, yes, yes’,

Both: It means ‘no, no, no’

Diddy: Yes means no and no means yes, it should be rather obvious.

If you ask she will say ‘nay’, a swinging bachelor you will stay!

DK: Oh, this makes no sense to me, if I ask her she won’t agree.

Why look like a foolish clown, when she’s only gonna turn me down?

If I read between the lines and understand what you say,

It’s not a true proposal, just a road all grey!

Both: When she says ‘yes, yes, yes’, it means ‘no, no, no’

When she says ‘yes, yes, yes’, you know it’s all for show.

When she says ‘yes, yes, yes’, it means ‘no, no, no’

When she says ‘yes, yes, yes’, you know it’s all for show.

The Banana Dosey-Do

DK: You bow to the left, you bow to the right,

You take your partner’s hand and you hold on tight,

You pull him in close and you don’t let go,

Now you’re doing the banana dosey-do!

You push ‘em back quick then you pull ‘em in fast,

You spin ‘em real hard to make their dizziness last,

You grab them by the shoulders and you shake them like so,

Now you’re doing the banana dosey-do!

You grab him by the waist, lift him high in the air,

If you throw him high enough he’ll need intensive care,

You’re doing a hand-stand, you’re walking real slow,

Now you’re doing the banana dosey-do!

You promenade as you’re dancing through the Everglades –

Skip to the beat ‘til you can’t feel your feet!

You grab him by the sides and you bend him in half,

You tickle his feet so it makes him laugh,

Hold them in your arms, rock them to and fro,

Now you’re doing the banana dosey-do!

Doing the banana dosey-do!

***

33. Follow that Coconut

Do you know what this Means?

K. Rool: Could it be I have what I’ve wanted?

Just a minute, I want to savour this moment.

The power that I now possess suits me well, I must confess.

It’s good to be a glorious me!

Do you know what this will mean to me?

I’m the power over all that I see!

Kneel before me as I reign supreme!

Do you know what this means?

Cranky: Why don’t you just rip my heart out?

Do you know what this means?

The Crystal Coconut in the hands of that fiend…

Our future’s in doubt, you dim-witted lout!

This is the worst thing that could ever have happened!

This could cost us everything!

We’re doomed, you bone-headed baboon!

Now go, go out and get the Coconut back!

And don’t come back until you get it!

The Diddy-Drop Rap

K. Rool: Lookie here, lookie here, look what I’ve got!

Don’t think I won’t let little Diddy drop!

DK: Hold it now, hold it now, hold it, hold it right there!

You wouldn’t drop, couldn’t drop, you wouldn’t dare!

K. Rool: I’m a reasonable raving, derangeable despot,

I tell you what, we’ll trade, like a stock exchange!

Wheel a deal, how’s that feel, it’s a steal –

Diddy for the Coconut, the Coconut for Diddy!

Diddy: Don’t do it, don’t do it – he’s bluffing, I hope!

K. Rool: I guarantee, as you see, there’s no pity for Diddy!

Klump and Krusha: No bluffin’, no bluffin’, no bluffin’, no bluffin’!

DK: Wait a sec, what the Heck, let us make a trade,

Give me my little buddy and we’ll stop this escapade!

K. Rool: Diddy for the Coconut, the Coconut for Diddy,

I’m going to count to ten, and it’s up to you then!

One!

Klump: A-one! A-one!

Krusha: This is fun!

Diddy: DK, beware, take care, it’s a snare!

It’s just cuffing, he be bluffing, it’s K. Rool, he’ll stop at nothing!

K. Rool: Two! You knew, it’s your cue, what ‘cha gonna do?

Gotta think what to do, or my little buddy’s through!

Give up the Coconut or else he’s gonna drop him!

K. Rool: How touching, I may cry, don’t you see?

Do I hear three?

Klump and Krusha: Three! A-three! Let him drop and then we’ll see!

Three! A-three! Make a Diddy fricassee!

Diddy: Hey big buddy, did you see, did you see?

You can save the Coconut, the Coconut’ll save me!

K. Rool: Four!

Diddy: Which is more, gotta plan, gotta trick, you can use your big foot –

Hit ‘em with the big foot kick!

DK: What?

K. Rool: Five!

Klump and Krusha: That’s no jive, take a dive!

K. Rool: Six and seven! Time to learn a lesson!

Diddy: Come on big buddy, use your big foot kick!

DK: I get it, I get it, little buddy, that’s slick!

But I’ve got two Coconuts, so which one do I pick?

K. Rool, Klump and Krusha: Eight!

Wait! I have to concentrate!

K. Rool, Klump and Krusha: Nine!

DK: Can’t decide, do or die, running out of time!

K. Rool, Klump and Krusha: Ten!

K. Rool: Time to end this drama!

DK: Here goes nothing – Banana slammer!

***

34. Vote of Kong-Fidence

DK’s Election Song (pathetic, DK! come on!)

DK: Vote for me, I do nothing,

Vote for me, better than anyone.

Vote for me, I do nothing

Better than anyone!

DK the Politician (for goodness’ sake, DK, make proper use of that lovely voice!)

DK: Donkey Kong, the ape on a mission!

He’s got the answers, he’s a politician!

He’s not lying, he’s just a politician!

Donkey Kong, the ape is on a mission!

Vote DK!

***

35. The Big Switch-A-Roo

Metal Head - ***** FIVE STAR SONG!!

Diddy: Is there something you should tell me, big buddy?

Are you aware of the glare from the sun shining offa your hair?

DK: I don’t know what you mean, it’s just a healthy sheen.

I must admit I feel a little strange, but I’ve never felt better, I’m stronger than ever,

Can’t you see nothing’s changed?

Diddy: I don’t know how to tell you, metal buddy,

But you look just like a solar-powered, turbo-charged washing machine.

DK: I’m not light on my feet, now I clank and I squeak,

But my voice is the same when I speak.

My hand looks like aluminum foil –

Does this mean that I need a tune-up and a change of oil?

I’m a metal head, a metal head, a metal head, a metal head,

I’m a metal head, a metal head, a metal head, a metal head!

The Head Joke Song (another non-song…this scene is really weird, Cranky goes hyper :P)

Cranky: What’re you gonna do, DK? Head-butt them?

Diddy: I know, I know, he’ll play head games with them!

Cranky: Heh heh, head games, that’s good!

No hold on, DK will be Okay, he’s got a good head off his shoulders!

Klump (as Candy): Ohh, this is giving me a headache!

Cranky: Headache! Ha ha, get it? HEAD ache!

Diddy: You know, DK, you could always head ‘em off at the pass!

Cranky: After giving them a head start!

Klump (as Candy): Okay, that’s enough, all o’ you head on outta here!

Cranky: Heh heh, that’s using your head!

*At which point they all start dancing like lunatics*

DK: I should quit while I’m ahead?

***

36. Hunka Hunka Burnin’ Bluster

Leo Luster - ***** FIVE STAR SONG!!

Bluster (as Leo): Hey, kids, the world just got cooler – stand back while I make the scene.

I’m the most – uh! – and that ain’t no boast,

I’m the swingin’est thing from coast to coast.

I’m a lizard’s nightmare, I’m every girl’s dream,

A picture of perfect, you know what I mean?

I’m Leo Luster – pow! – I’m where it’s at,

I’m a far-out happenin’ cat – uh!

I’m Leo Luster, baby I’m a trip.

Man it hurts to be this hip!

Cats, dig, it’s time to get hip now.

Hop aboard it’s a groovy ride.

Dig my threads, my shades and my hair; step aside, squares!

I’m a lizard’s nightmare, I’m every girl’s dream,

A picture of perfect, you know what I mean?

I’m Leo Luster – pow! – I’m where it’s at,

I’m a far-out happenin’ cat – uh!

I’m Leo Luster, baby I’m a trip.

Man it hurts to be this hip!

Leo Luster, Reprise

Bluster (as Leo): I’m back, baby!

Hey, hah, it’s good to be back here.

You’re beautiful, and straight from the heart.

It’s time – uh! – to fly the coop now,

Destination: Splitsville, dad!

I’m better than ever, I’m top of my game,

Look in my eyes baby, I’m never the same.

I’m Leo Luster, baby I’m back!

I’m still a happenin’ cat – reow!

I’m Leo Luster, I’ve always had the stuff,

I’m that good you just can’t get enough!

I’m Leo Luster, I’m an irresistible force!

I’m Leo Luster, I’m like a power jack, baby!

***

38. It’s a Wonderful Life

If I wasn’t around

DK: Why does it seem everyone is so unhappy with me?

When I try to do my best, they treat me like a mess -

Well maybe they’d be better off if I wasn’t around.

No, no, no, wasn’t around…

Why should I stay when all I do is get in the way?

They think I’m a clown, they push me around -

Well maybe they’d be better off if I wasn’t around.

Why should I stay, when they treat me, they treat me that way?

If I, if I, if I, if I wasn’t around…

Eddie, Let me go back to my Home

DK: No, I can’t believe what I see;

Everything’s upside-down and it makes no sense to me.

In my current state I can’t change that fate –

If you send me back I swear I’ll set things straight.

You gotta send me back!

Eddie: No can do!

DK: I’ve been dissed!

Eddie: You not exist!

DK: Eddie, let me go back to my home,

Without me everything’s all wrong.

Eddie, let me go back to my home,

Let me put things back where they belong.

Eddie, let me go back to my home,

Without me everything’s all wrong.

Eddie, let me go back to my home -

Please, I’m down on my knees!

There’s a world that needs saving, baby,

Buddy Eddie Yeti just let me be!

Oh man! Won’t you hear my plea?

C-mon, c’mon Eddie you gotta help me!

You gotta send me back!

Eddie: Me not sure…

DK: Just one day!

Eddie: No way, José!

DK: Eddie, let me go back to my home,

Without me everything’s all wrong.

Eddie, let me go back to my home,

Let me put things back where they belong.

Eddie, let me go back to my home,

Without me everything’s all wrong.

Eddie, let me go back to my home –

***

39. Just Kidding

Cranky’s Apology (not much of a song)

Cranky: I just wanted to say I’m sorry.

I didn’t mean to take things so far.

This is right from the heart.

Let’s make a fresh start.

Can you ever forgive me?

Look, I came over here to be a nice guy!

You’re looking at me with untrusting eyes!

Would I make you the fool purposely?

What more do you want from me?

Ah, this is too much work for me…

The Coconut is Cursed

DK: You see the Coconut is cursed, and I hope you didn’t touch it.

K. Rool: Cursed?

Klump: What?

K. Rool: Don’t be ridiculous

DK: You might feel a twitch, or a tingly sensation.

K. Rool: Tingly, schmingly, you’re an irritation!

Aaagh, aaargh! I’m tingling I’m tingling!

My hand is twitching and twittering!

Klump: I’m twitching sir, I’m twitching!

Krusha: I’m tingling!

All three: Oh no!

DK: It’s much worse than I thought – it’s the curse that you’ve got!

K. Rool: Not it’s not, that’s absurd!

Klump and Krusha: Word!

K. Rool: We’re just tingling with excitement!